Ten Easy Tips on How to Be A Feminist Kill-Joy At Social Events
1: Invite everyone out to a “Heel Burning Night”. After all, high heeled shoes are weapons designed by the patriarchy.
2: If someone uses a gender-specific pronoun, cut them off by politely throwing oranges at them.
3: Spice up an old t-shirt with a simple, iron-on transfer photo of your vulva.
4: A neat wedding gift is wearing a black suit and when anyone asks why you’re crying, simply reply that you’re mourning the loss of another soul to monogamy.
5: Whenever somebody gives you a “thumbs up”, take a moment to explain how problematic erect thumbs are, as they imply that whoever receives this phallocentric gesture should grow a penis.
6: Before seeing a movie, ensure it passes the Bechdel Test.
7: Don’t hesitate to whip out your auxiliary hair dreadlocks if they aren’t already showing. Your friends will be green with envy! (Pro Tip: Cover the dreads with GLITTER)
8: If a friend invites you out for dinner to a non-vegan restaurant, be sure to mail them a copy of The Sexual Politics of Meat. Carol J. Adams will be so proud!
9: Diva Cups are awesome party favors! And don’t discriminate against people without uteruses, they can be used as wine glasses!
10: Dedicate one day every month to rescue homeless cats and bring them to your friend’s houses. Don’t worry, they are guaranteed to be excited by the lovely surprise!