You read it in the news, you see it on TLC, you recognize the danger.

Women are falling prey to the temptations of modern freedom and power. They must be kept safe, protected, enslav–um, protected.

Yes, that’s it! Women who are sexually aware are Jezebels, a danger to the very fabric of civilization.

Only men have the power to grab their crotch and fondle themselves without losing their souls. The delicacy of females must be forever preserved from the temptations of those who say that women’s naughty bits are not, in fact, fragile fertility flowers surrounded by the almighty Jesus force field.

Therefore, we at the Christian Coalition for the Reinstatement of Mandatory Chastity Belts have used Beelzebub’s weapon against him. We shall spread the word and illuminate the danger via the use of the Hollywood feature film, with the help of funding through our national bake sale and target shoot.

We urge you to swarm the theatres with nubile flesh in tow, buy your tickets, and learn the awful truth.


She was a good girl, a Christian girl, a girl on her way to becoming valedictorian!

All it took was unusually high water pressure and a tablespoon of body wash!

If you thought your daughter was safe, be warned!

The danger lurks everywhere: in locker rooms, in bathrooms, in Home Depot stores!


She never knew a handheld massaging showerhead could wreak such havoc!

Now her once respectable vagina is plagued with this venomous liquid!


Watch it for the sake of the children – know the risks!

See the movie that kept more underpants up than any other!

“Five stars! Magnificent, a tour de force!

Vaginal Madness is a surefire Oscar contender!” – Dr. Scooter Dowen

“If you see anything this year, see Vaginal Madness! It’s breathtaking, edgy, and blows the shower curtain wide open!” – My Mother

Now playing in all theatres that banned Brokeback Mountain but kept Human Centipede running, because everyone knows anal sex is more dangerous than senseless killing.

This glorious satire was a guest post from our dear friend Rachel.

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